The Holidays perhaps more than any other time of the year are full of so many different things for people who are struggling emotionally. Mostly, folks who are hurting just wish that the calendar skipped from November 15th to January 2nd without fanfare or fuss. This is because people who are depressed, grieving, anxious, or just plain lonely often feel worse during this time of year. They know that they're supposed to be happy and others seem to be. The holidays serve as a painful reminder of what's missing in their lives. Often, these people pretend to be fine and won't tell you that they're hurting. This is because they don't want to make you feel awkward and they also worry about being misunderstood. Too often, they've heard a well-intended soul say something like "JUST...cheer up, do something, call a friend, etc." Any advice that has the word "just" in it is likely to create deaf ears in the holiday sufferer. For these folks, holidays often contain painful memories perhaps from childhood when an alcoholic parent was at his / her worst. It may be a time when financial hardship was felt the most. Children whose parents had their fair share of dysfunction simply weren't very good at making the holidays enjoyable for their kids. These kids, now grown-ups themselves have no experience or tradition to draw upon which is positive during the holidays.
If you're one of these holiday sufferers, take heart that you're far from alone in suffering through the winter holidays. It's a time to pamper yourself. Simplify your life where you can; avoid doing things soley out of obligation. Try not to stay too busy. Listen to music; read if you can focus; nudge yourself to call at least one person you can trust and say something like "I'm reaching out because I've been a bit (lonely, depressed, anxious, etc) and could use a listening ear." Get yourself moving. Go for a walk everyday. Look at the stars at night. Try to find one thing, even one small thing, for which you can be glad, maybe even grateful.
If you're trying to support and encourage someone who is struggling, mostly be an excellent listener. Giving someone the experience of feeling heard is far more important that rushing in to fix, solve, or advise. Say things like "I'm sorry it's been such a tough time for you...I'm glad that you're letting me know...I'm honored that you would trust me with your feelings...would it be okay if I called again on (name a day) to see how you are?" You can also invite this person to do something with you, but do it gently, leaving a graceful 'out' for the person if they're not up to getting together.
Regardless of who you are, may this be a season of peace, tenderness of heart, and a time when you can reach out and share the season with someone who means something to you. When you try to do these things and you just can't shake the negative effects of the holidays, get the name of a local mental health professional and go for a consultation. In the Chicago area, consider us at http://www.heritageprofessional.com/
