Men want (emotional) intimacy just like women do. The problem is, they don't know how to do it as well as women. Men will work really hard at something if you show them how in a non-shaming way. There's a small, local hardware store in town. Men come in droves on a Saturday morning with parts of some widget or another to meet some white haired guy named Gus of Clem. So, here they are...men in public asking for directions - for help on how to do something. And they're often doing it in front of an audience. What makes this possible? They expect that they will be enpowered to do something that they previously didn't know how to do. This is why Gus and Clem are there. So, there's no shame in showing up and asking for help. That's why people go there.
So, how do we create this same kind of environment in our homes so that men will open up, ask for help and be empowered to get better at emotional intimacy? Women, wives, girlfriends, consider this. Young boys are actually more emotionally reactive and responsive than are young girls. However, early in their childhoods, boys hear the messages "Big boys don't cry." "Don't be a mamma's boy." "Don't be a cry baby." When boys express vulnerable emotions in public, they're called "wuss" "sissy" and far worse. They soon learn not to express the vulnerable emotions. The whole process has been referred to as "normative cultural shaming." Some say that cultures throughout history have treated boys this way to prepare them emotionally to become warriors later in life. Who is the better warrior - the one in touch with his vulnerable emotions while in battle, or the one who has learned to convert his vulnerable emotions into anger and aggression?
