Are you right sized? I'm not talking about body proportions or serving size at a restaurant. I'm talking about being the right size psychologically. Being right sized means that you assume an appropriate degree of presence for a given situation. If you're one of several people in an audience, then you should assume a 'size' (or presence) equivalent to everyone else around you. Or, when in a group, assume an equivalent presence to everyone else. We all know what it's like to have one member of a group dominate everyone else. They talk more, listen less, and command a disproportionate amount of the group's time and attention. Such people love to 'hold court' when around others. These folks are 'over sized' psychologically for the situation. It's off-putting.
Others are under-sized psychologically in a given situation. They speak less, assert themselves less, and come across as anything from un-assuming to 'mousey' in a given situation. They have a hard time giving 'voice' to their opinions, and they let others do the talking. They're harder to get to know, and it's uncomfortable in a different kind of way to be around them.
Being right sized is a measure of good self-esteem. Being wrong-sized (too big or too small psychologically) is actually a reflection of low self esteem. The over-sized person feels too small internally, and reacts (consciously or not) by trying to 'puff' themselves up when around others. They're working too hard to impress others as a compensation for an internal sense of low self worth. The under-sized person is essentially saying that they don't matter as much as others do.
Ideally, we change size psychologically based upon the situation. When we are leading a group or giving a talk, then we assume a larger size psychologically. When we're one of several people in a group, we shrink back down to a size emotionally equivalent to others around us. Sometimes, when we're trying to encourage others to try something new or unfamiliar, we may shrink ourselves psychologically in an effort to let them step forward and shine.
Being over sized is similar to the psychological concept of pathological narcissism. Being under-sized is sometimes a symptom of depression, anxiety, or general shyness. Being open to feedback from other who observe you socially is the best way to know if you're 'right-sized.' If you can't seem to find your right size for a given social situation and you live in the Chicago area, consider seeing a mental health professional at Heritage Professional Associates. Outside of the Chicago, ask someone you trust for the name of a reputable mental health provider.
