If you're a Baby Boomer like I am (born between 1946 and 1960), you've lived through some major cultural changes. Not that this is unique to our generation, but there are some cultural factors worth noting. Unlike the generations to follow, many (most?) of us boomers have attained education and incomes that have exceeded our parents. We have been raised with the twin messages of work hard, and the opportunity is there for the taking if you're willing to reach for it.
In one generation's time, we've gone from growing up in a home with one (maybe two) TVs, to an embarrassing number of TVs per home. And we've gone from one or two rotary dial phones (and one phone number) per household to a dizzying array of multi-line land line phones and cell phones per household. A new car by today's standards was a luxury car a generation ago. A simple camping trip as a summer vacation in the family station wagon has been replaced by much more elaborate travels to exotic destinations.
With all of these changes have come increased expectations about what makes for a good life. We have gone from striving for excellence to expecting it, even demanding it. To pull all of this off, we work longer, sleep less, and even non-work time is scheduled and structured. Kids have play dates, and participate in organized sports, often year round. Neighborhood pick up games of basketball or football are rare. Wandering time, the time to just think, imagine, engage in creative play, explore and discover things on one's own is even rarer.
There is no end to the inflated expectations of ourselves and now, our children. In her compelling book, The Price of Privilege, Madeline Levine takes a sobering look into the emotional worlds of kids raised in affluent, upper middle class America. Substance abuse, emptiness, anxiety, eating disorders, sexual promiscuity (and at younger and younger ages), depression and a lack of direction pervade the lives of the very kids that psychologists might have previously thought would have the best chances for success.
When I ask kids who have had every advantage what their fondest memories of childhood are, they don't talk about the exotic trips and the expensive vacation homes or latest techno-gadgets. Virtually every time, they talk about a time spent with the family roasting marshmellows over a campfire, or some other basic, simple interaction with their family. I have seen parents literally with their jaws hanging open in disbelief to hear this, after spending some enormous amount of money on a vacation with these same children.
What all of this comes down to is the importance of slowing the pace down. Schedule fewer things. Return to more simple and basic ways of interacting. Spend more time together. Time is now the scarce commodity in most families. Create and maintain more wandering time for yourself and your kids. Go on fewer expensive vacations, and roast more marshmellows over a campfire.
All of this is easier said that done. If you're in the Chicago area and are struggling to balance your life, see one of the therapists at Heritage Professional Associates. Outside of the Chicago area, ask someone whom you trust for the name of a reputable mental health professional.
